He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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