Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
