im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
