I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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