im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize