I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
