yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
