Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
