We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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