Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize