You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
