chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
