He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
