I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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