Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
