Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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