STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
