I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
