Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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