if you like me you must not know who I am
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
