I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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