Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
