I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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