you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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