I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
