Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
