A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
