Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
