It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
