he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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