The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
