I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*