There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.