i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?