Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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