just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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