3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A+ Viking dick
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
