Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
