It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
