Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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