She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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