My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
