First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
