you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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