Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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