This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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