She just used a chaser for red wine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
