I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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