why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
false alarm. still invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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