I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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