It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
