At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
