he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
