i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
