Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
