We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
