why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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