where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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