Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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