WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
