The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize