It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
